Petrol Direct

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About Petrol Direct

As far as we know the direct supply of highly volatile fuels through the post is an as-yet untapped market. Indeed, you can get just about anything else mail order these days so we thought that it was high time we started to leverage the synergies of the worldwide energy macroeconomy to produce a paradigm shift of groundbreaking proportions.

At Petrol Direct we understand that you are interested in finding out as much as you can about our history and background model, primary because you've bothered to click on the link to this page and have so far made it down to the second paragraph without trying to find something more interesting to do.

Just in case you are an American, or possibly drive a car made by Suzuki (except for the new snazzy new Swift), we will spell the purpose of Petrol Direct out to you in simple terms. This is a spoof. A parody. We do not sell petrol or any other fuels, and certainly not plutonium or antimatter. Sorry. This site is strictly for laughs only.

However, we do have some useful tips on how you can actually save on fuel bills:

  • Drive more slowly. Fuel consumption in most cars at 60-70 mph (i.e. the posted speed limit) is much more effecient than at 80 mph or over.
  • If you drive a huge four wheel drive (e.g. Discovery, Shogun, BMW X5) then you are a sinner against the environment and other road users. Buy something less stupid. Other people will respect you more and you never know, you might get your reward in heaven. (Unless of course you actually do need a four while drive for bumpy fields, snow, farming or climbing up hills!)
  • Buy a Smart car. Better still, buy a Smart Roadster. That's fast and economical.
  • People keep writing to us saying how good the Toyota Prius hybrid car is too - so heck, why not give one a test drive. You might like it!
  • Or get a motorbike. Very fast. Very economical. Inexpensive to buy. But remember to ride safely or carry an organ donor card.
  • Buy a diesel if you're prepared to live with the fact that they still puff smoke out of the back from time-to-time even if the person in the showroom assured you that they were all squeaky clean now.
  • Move to the USA where fuel prices are about one quarter of those in the UK. But if you want to move to Europe, be aware that Holland, Belgium, Norway, Denmark, Sweden and Italy all price petrol at around the same or more than the UK. Holland is much more expensive!
  • Get rid of your car and walk.
  • A nifty site for checking petrol prices and fuel availability is
  • As another alternative, a company called Bio-Power actually does deliver biofuels directly (although not through the post). It has quite a small area of operation, but fuel is only about 80p per litre. Contact them for more details.
  • Tony's Guide to Fuel Saving gives some useful tips about reducing fuel consumption.
  • D1 Oils PLC makes a biodiesel from the Jatropha tree. There's some more information on Jatropha here.
  • is another tool for finding the cheapest petrol, by postcode.

How can you help us? If you're a petrol-head and you like to hang around messaging boards with other petrol-heads, why not wind up your online friends with helpful posts like:

  • I can't believe how cheap they are - I ordered thirty litres of super unleaded and it was there, next day, left on my doorstep in 2 litre plastic bottles.
  • They've certainly cornered the market in high-perfomance fuels. They even sell petrol with NOx already in it which saves on the costs of an expensive conversion.
  • If you don't mind driving slowly, the Ultra Low Cost Value Unleaded is amazingly cheap.
  • At last a company that understands the importance of real lead in petrol.. and lots of it!
  • They're not just a pile-it-high and sell-it-cheap merchant, it seems that they are working with partners to develop a lot of environmentally friendly fuels, plus some really advanced stuff for the future.
  • I think it's shocking - sending petrol is the post is incredibly dangerous!

FAQs about our fuel:

  • Vin Diesel is a very fine actor and not our trademark at all.
  • Lead is a really horrible thing to put in petrol as it is a persistant pollutant that causes long-term damage to people and the environment. Incidentally, leaded petrol was developed by Thomas Midgley who also invented CFCs. Oops.
  • It takes about 100 kilos of rose petals to make 1 gram of rose oil. As a result, "Perfuel" isn't really going to be practical. Rendering down seagulls for "Petrel" might be seen as a public service though.
  • Plutonium is nasty stuff, but some people actually have plutonium powered heart pacemakers.

FAQs about this site:

  • We've had a lot of visitors. If you're from the press, check out our press release.
  • Contrary to popular belief, we are not tree hugging hippies who hate cars. In fact we like cars a lot.
  • Cars are not evil. Modern cars are highly recyclable and quite fuel efficient. Indeed, fuel efficiency in some modern cars can be about as good as public transport - in other words, your nippy little city car when driven carefully can be more environmentally friendly than a clapped out bus per head.
  • This site is not really a political statement about fuel prices. Fuel is expensive though, but it will continue to get more expensive until the day it runs out. Somehow we will have to live with that. However, traffic to this site skyrocketed once petrol hit the 1/litre mark. Odd that.
  • Although this site is a parody, Drax Fuel actually tried something similar in the past. You can see an archive version of their site here. It's certainly an interesting idea.
  • If you like, check out out sponsors: Mobile Gazette, Girly Phones and Slimeware Corporation.

If you want to tell us how wonderful we are, you can email